Editor’s note: Except for the part where Abe intends to repeat past atrocities, the KCNA isn’t as funny as usual with this trio. Nevertheless, it keeps me well-informed.

Japanese Education Chief’s Balderdash about Human Rights Rapped
Pyongyang, March 13 (KCNA) — Japanese Minister of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology Ibuki recently said that no matter how nutritious it is, if one ate only butter every day, one would get metabolic syndrome, adding that “Human rights are important, but if we respect them too much, Japanese society will end up having human rights metabolic syndrome.”
Rodong Sinmun Tuesday observes in a signed commentary in this regard:

Such thoughtless remarks can be made only by those who go unabashed even without admitting, apologizing and compensating for the hideous human rights abuses perpetrated by Japan.
It is not hard to guess why Ibuki let loose such a string of balderdash.
Japan is now rushing headlong into militarization, repeating its past policy of aggression. It has steadily increased military spending and massively developed and produced new type war hardware in a bid to build up the “Self-defence Forces” into modern armed forces for offensive. The Japanese reactionaries are now fully ready to undertake any war of aggression.
What remains to be done by them is to imbue the Japanese people with the militarist idea. After the emergence of the new government the Japanese chief executive proposed an “educational reform” as one of the three major tasks. Through the revision of the fundamental law of education the Japanese authorities seek to legalize education in militarism and create an atmosphere favorable for the retrogressive revision of the Constitution. The Japanese education chief talked such nonsense about human rights, prompted by his idea of enforcing education aimed at subordinating everything to reinvasion even if it may violate the rights of the Japanese.
Herein lies the dangerous nature of his reckless remarks about human rights metabolic syndrome.
The moves for militarization stepped up by the Japanese reactionaries to realize their ambition for overseas aggression, although they mean abusing human rights, can never evade censure and denunciation of the international community, to say nothing of Japanese.

Abe’s Shameless Malarkey Refuted
Pyongyang, March 14 (KCNA) — Japanese Prime Minister Abe’s reckless remarks aimed to throw the past crimes committed by Japan into the limbo of oblivion remind one of the saying that “Leopards don’t change their spots,” observes a Minju Joson analyst Wednesday.
Noting that he totally negated Japan’s past crimes, letting loose a string of rubbish woefully lacking common knowledge, the analyst goes on:
This cannot be interpreted otherwise than the revelation of the intention to repeat the past history of bloody crimes.
Abe, truth to tell, is under moral obligation to roll up sleeves to settle Japan’s past crimes including those committed by his own forefathers. However, he is behaving quite contrary.
Not to admit one’s wrongs means that one would repeat them. Japan’s non-admittance to the crimes related to the “comfort women” for the Imperial Japanese Army is little short of its open declaration to the world that it would again launch into a militarist aggression overseas and commit such extra-large crimes against humanity as sexual slavery.
It is not surprising to hear such malarkey totally denying past crimes from Abe who has inherited the lineage of a militarist family. What is serious, however, is that Japan has reached so dangerous a phase in rushing toward militarist reaction.
Japan’s full-dressed moves to revise the “Pacifist Constitution” under Abe’s baton, visits to the “Yasukuni Shrine” and total negation of the past crimes committed by Japan cannot be construed otherwise than acts targeted at overseas aggression.

Japan’s Dangerous Drive to Become Military Giant Debunked
Pyongyang, March 5 (KCNA) — Japan launched again an H-2A rocket loaded with information and optical satellites.
Commenting on this, a news analyst of Rodong Sinmun Monday says:
The full-dressed launching of spy satellites by Japan under the plausible cloak of “scientific researches” goes to prove that its moves for turning itself into a military giant and staging reinvasion have reached a dangerous phase.
The Japanese reactionaries have not abandoned even a moment their old dream of “the Greater East Asia Co-prosperity Sphere” which fizzled out in the past. Now they are putting spurs to the building of a military power in a bid to realize it in the new century at any cost.
The Japanese reactionaries are working to throw a spy satellite network in the space to commit espionage against the DPRK and other countries and round off preparations for overseas aggression.
Japan’s madcap launching of spy satellites is a criminal act of gravely menacing peace and stability in the Korean Peninsula and Asia as it is a link in the whole chain of its ever-more open moves for reinvasion of the region.
Ever growing is the danger of Japan’s scheme to throw a network of spy satellites in the space under the excuse of advance detection of someone’s “threat” and “military action” and use it in its overseas aggression.
It is quite natural for the peace-loving progressives of the world to heighten vigilance against Japan’s launching of spy satellites and moves to become a military giant, watching them on alert.
Japan should face up to the watchful eyes of the world and give up its drive for building a military power and venturing overseas expansion.

Uhm. Whoo. Can’t we even get an “extra large” or a “balderdash” in that last one?