On the bright side, the phallic displays of synchronized littering did help increase the nation’s birth rate last year. The rate was 0.02 points higher than it was in 2006.

I have a soft spot for the Carp. Had I wound up moving to Hiroshima instead of Tokyo at a young age, I have no doubt that I would have become a Carp fan. Had I lived in Hyogo or Osaka, on the other hand, I’m not sure I’d even like baseball.

That said, I wish Hiroshima would keep that particular tradition to themselves. There’s not a whole lot I like about the Giants or the Tokyo Dome, but I respect their refusal to allow visiting fans to throw trash on their field during games.

I might be wrong about this also, but I thought the balloons were subliminal imaging attempts at reversing the negative birth rate in Japan. No? Every balloon is sacred, as Monty Python might say …

We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves (even though we lost), and we’ll definitely make the trip again next season.

Incidentally, I’d like to thank the wizards out in Chiba for coaxing the ouendan into giving up their plastic bangers.

That feat, in and of itself, is worthy of a very large trophy.

Have you made it out to Chiba yet?

Deanna Marinerd and Westbaystars can vouch that they are the hosts with the mosts, so you should try to contact Larry Rocca.